Today I went in for my first ultrasound for this IUI cycle. My RE performed the procedure and went out of his way to explain everything he was measuring and what I was seeing on the screen. I really appreciated that. So many doctors just breeze through a procedure without explaining anything. So I got to see my uterus, which has a lining of appropriate thickness. I saw a big follicle on my right ovary and nothing on my left. The RE thinks the follicle will be ready in a few days. I get to do two OPK tests a day until I get a positive and then we go in for the IUI. Have I mentioned how much I hate OPK's? I feel like I never know for sure if they're positive or almost positive. I was surprised to see that they now have digital tests. It's been months since I've bothered with them. I bought one box of the digital and one box of the regular.
Oh, I looked at the wrists of all the people waiting for their appointment. It's a big and busy center. I didn't see anyone with the pomegranate string.
As with most things relating to infertility, this ultrasound generated conflicting emotions. I feel happiness because we're doing something this cycle. That's a lot better than just going through the motions of another month. It's only been a few months since we learned we are dealing with MFI and have very little chance of a successful natural cycle. I also feel a lot of doubt. I know the stats on success rates using IUI with MFI. They aren't pretty. Larger than we have on our own, but so much smaller than the tantalizing success rates offered with IVF. And finally, I feel fear. I could get pregnant this cycle, right? For the last 16+ months, I've poured everything into TTC. Pregnancy feels like an elusive dream world that I know about but can't visit. Let's assume that this cycle fails and we do one more before moving on to IVF. My sister called to tell me, "You could be pregnant by the end of the year!" That's amazingly difficult for me to think about. On one level, I know that pregnancy is the destination of this journey. It's just that this journey has been long enough to make me forget about the destination...I've been so devoted to surviving the journey that I've overlooked the fact that there is a destination out there.
On a funny note, while I was waiting for the ultrasound, I saw a magazine on the wall that said something about "Fresh, frozen, or canned?" You know you know too much about TTC with ART when you think, "I didn't know they had canned embryos now!" I'm so used to seeing people talk about fresh and frozen IVF cycles that I just didn't think they were talking about something as simple as fruits and veggies!