Last night two of the couples made their official pregnancy announcements. I had a few weeks to prepare myself for it, but it was very hard.
After my SIL and her husband made their announcement, the men started high-fiving him. "Good job!" "Taking care of business!" "You're the man!" I can't get the vision of the pain in B's eyes out of my head. I realize these are "typical male" comments, but it just reinforces B's feeling that he's not a "real" man. I have stated this before - I know that dealing with infertility has made us a stronger couple. There were many months before we told anyone and we had only each other to lean on for support. We could have turned against each other, buckling under the strain. Marriages end all the time for lesser reasons. But we turned to each other, grew stronger, and are now battling together. I've stated it before in this blog and I'll state it again - I firmly believe that dealing with MFI makes you a stronger man. I don't care that other men can get their wives pregnant easily. How many men could deal with the stress and pain that we deal with every day and still be a kind, caring, devoted husband? So you have a lot of well-formed sperm and they know how to swim. Do you know the exact right thing to say when your wife breaks down after another failed cycle? Do you know how to make her laugh when the only thing she wants to do is stay in bed all day? Are you man enough to share your feelings of pain and sadness? I wouldn't trade my marriage to B for a whole ocean of perfect sperm.
No one actually asked us when we were going to have kids last night, but I noticed many sidelong glances at my stomach. I received a lot of comments about how "thin" and "great" I look followed by comments on how happy they were for the two couples. Sometimes I think indirect comments are more painful than getting to the point.
But at least it's over. We have our IVF consult this Thursday and I'm holding on tightly to my last bit of hope for our final IUI. Our small chance for success with IUI is still greater than our chances alone. It was perfectly timed with over double the motile sperm of last month. And if it comes down to IVF, we'll deal with it. If we're ever lucky enough to have a child, he or she will surely benefit from the strength and love we developed as a result of our battle with IF, right?
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4 comments:
I found you through Random Ramblings and I just wanted to tell you that you have a wonderful husband and a great outlook on all of this. I think our husbands are our greatest strenght and I thank goodness (like you do) that this hasn't pushed us apart but rather brought us together.
GOOD LUCK with the IUI!!!!
Hey, I'm with you about MFI making you a stronger man and bringing you together as a stronger couple. Yeah, other guys I know might be able to get their wives pregnant, but I wouldn't want their sperm anywhere near me! Some of the most fertile guys I know happen to be the most insensitive and annoying. Maybe that leads to pushier sperm or something. I don't like it.
I think your husband sounds amazing. And, please, whether or not you have sperm is not up to you therefore, it doesn't make you a "man." A man is someone who deals with what he has, leaps over obstacles in a single bound, and still has the strength to comfort his wife after another failed cycle.
And I'm holding out hope for you too with the IUI.
I need an email address to use as the link on the peer counselor list. You can either create a new account on something free like yahoo or send me an existing one at thetowncriers@gmail.com. Hey--does your husband want to be on the list too to provide a male perspective?
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