6 Weeks?

I can't believe that it's been six weeks since I posted to this blog.

So far everything continues to go well. I was released by my RE at 7 weeks after we saw the most wonderous thing - a tiny beating heart. Dr. C seemed genuinely happy and reminded us that he'll be there when we're ready for a FET. I was also told to stop my PIO at 9 weeks, which meant my last shot was the day before my birthday. That was an awesome gift, let me tell you. B kept asking me what I wanted for my birthday and I wasn't kidding when I told him being able to sleep without the pain of the lumps from the PIO was more than enough!

My first OB appointment was a week later. My OBGYN is really nice and she's the one who ordered the initial testing for me when I went to her at the one year of TTC mark. She went out of her way to make me feel good about having made it through IVF. Then came the best part - another ultrasound.

After this ultrasound we started calling the baby "gummy bear". It was amazing to see little arm and leg buds and we also got a great view of the spine.

And today was our ultrascreen/nuchal test. I pricked my finger at home at around 10 weeks - pre-IVF that little lancet would have scared me, but it didn't bother me at all. Since I'd already done the bloodwork, they were able to tell me right away that our odds for Down's went from 1/711 to 1/>10,000. The risk for Trisomy 18/13 went from 1/1,259 to 1/>10,000 as well. The nurse told me that my risk was in the range for a 20 year old. Whew! And we got some really amazing pictures. This is my favorite - my sister said that he/she already sucks his/her thumb like I did as a baby:

I think he/she looks pretty comfy in there. I drank some orange juice an hour before the ultrasound and the baby was moving all over the place. Even the technician thought it was funny. I was in awe of this little creature who suddenly looked so human. Unfortunately, B was not able to come to this appointment. We thought that we were going to have an ultrasound at my regular 12 week appointment and he came to that...but we "only" heard the heartbeat on the Doppler. He's working out of town this week and it would have been very hard for him to make it back here for the appointment. I was lucky enough to have my MIL with me, and while we were waiting for the results she reunited with one of the people she used to work with as a sonographer. So for our 20 week ultrasound if she's available, she'll do it. That made me feel good because if the orange juice doesn't work I feel like she would be more patient trying to find out the sex. I have a strong feeling that it's a girl, and B told me he really, really wants it to be a girl, too. Of course we're happy with anything, but since everyone thinks it's a girl it will probably be a boy. :) And tomorrow we're going to tell most of B's family our news at a family dinner.

So that's what's been going on here. I've been struggling lately with the aftermath of IVF and infertility. I can honestly say that becoming pregnant does not relieve all of the stress, worry, and emotional pain. It's like post traumatic stress disorder. I sometimes feel like I don't belong anywhere. And there are so many irritating pregnant people. You know the fertile people who announce they're FINALLY pregnant after 2 months of trying? They transform into pregnant people who fall into deep depression over their disappointment in the baby's gender. I can understand a preference, but do we really need message boards devoted to this disappointment? And I keep running across the book "My Boys Can Swim!" which is supposed to be a guy's guide to fatherhood. I don't think B would even open that one up. I was also fortunate enough to read a post claiming that people who can't get pregnant on their own are not meant to have children and all IVF babies carry a genetic deformity. Sigh.

Right now I guess I prefer my role as the undercover infertile. I can pass as a pregnant person and do my best to educate people on how insensitive their comments can be. Just because I'm lucky enough to be pregnant doesn't mean it's easy. I'm still working on adjusting. And I hope to be able to blog more regularly to help me sort this out.